“Did My Time”

The other day I met an interesting person at a local bar that I visited for the first time. During our conversation he asked me what my favorite song was and after a little bit of hesitation I said “Did My Time” by Korn. I love music and it is hard to just pick one favorite song but this song has brought about sooooo much emotion over the past few years that it stands out among the others.

Where to begin, well, the lyrics talk about one’s anger towards themselves and the world around them. I can definitely relate to this. I was angry for so long, asking questions like, why is this world so fucked up? Why do You keep letting things go on this way? Why is life soooo difficult? When are You going to do something? Why am I soooo confused? so forth and so on.

After my awakening so to speak, lol :-), even the title “Did My Time”  would had an effect on me. I would say to myself, great I have had these experiences, gone beyond, wow, cool, whatever, but what about everyone else? I would then get angry at the thought of my past lives and thoughts about other beings going through this as well would send me into a rage. Ah, but the lyrics in the song saying “Oh God the anger’s changing me” would provide some relief. I begged and pleaded to have the anger disappear, apologize for being so ignorant.

Well it seems that my anger is gone, don’t get me wrong I still get pissed at stuff but it does not send me into a rage towards that which Is as it has done in the past. Now when I hear this song, the first thought that comes to mind is opportunity :-) which will be discussion for another post.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have shed tears listening to this song, both tears of joy and sadness. Even now as I listen to get the quotes right  :_):_(

Oh and by the way, this is a killer headbanging song, just hardcore :-) Cannot wait until Korn comes to Portland, I will be on the floor fo shiggity sho :-)

“Did My Time”

Realized I can never win

Sometimes I feel like I have failed

Inside where do I begin

My mind is laughing at me

Tell me why am I to blame

Aren’t we suppose to be the same

That’s why I will never tame

This thing that’s burning in me

 

I am the one who chose my path

I am the one who couldn’t last

I feel the life pulled from me

I feel the anger changing me

 

Sometimes I can never tell

If I’ve got something after me

That’s why I just beg and plead

For this curse to leave me

Tell me why am I to blame

Aren’t we suppose to be the same

That’s why I will never tame

This thing that’s burning in me

 

I am the one who chose my path

I am the one who couldn’t last

I feel the life pulled from me

I feel the anger changing me

 

Betrayed

I feel so enslaved

I really Tried

I did my time

I did my time

I did my time

I did my time

I did my time

 

I am the one who chose my path

I am the one who couldn’t last

I feel the life pulled from me

I feel the anger changing me

 

Oh God, the anger’s changing me [x2]

here We go :-)

For just over a year now, i have been wondering who or what Lord Bhakti is. i know what Bhakti means as far as the definition goes but i did not really know what it truly meant. Well, i know now what it means to love God with all my heart :\’-) :\’-) :-). i woke up this past Thursday and recalled several conversations i had with my dear friend adrian and my new friend abba. After sitting there in shock at how ever changing this illusion is, i sat there and realized that it is You that is unchanging, never judging, never calculating, and has no piercing eye of distinction. Oh how such a fool i have been for sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. all i can hope for is that i do not falter but i know i will and i can only hope for forgiveness. i know what it means to have the heart of Jesus, an unconditional love for That which Is :\’-) :\’-) :-). Words cannot do justice to how i feel inside, so blessed, so humbled.

Now there seems to be a big hullabaloo over this Lord Bhakti title that i have been given. Please, don’t believe for one moment that i chose such a title. I mean, who the fuck wants to go around calling themselves Lord Bhakti, but with that being said i realize what that title means and now i long for the day when i can introduce myself as Lord Bhakti.

The definition of Lord has many meanings. First and foremost, i am not God. It seems that because the Lord is capitalized it enfers that I am saying that i am God, well you can shove that thought up your ass. Here is the defenition of Lord from the Merriam-Webster, an online retrieval:

Definition of LORD

1 :  one having power and authority over others:

a :  a ruler by hereditary right or preeminence to whom service and obedience are due

b :  one of whom a fee or estate is held in feudal tenure

c :  an owner of land or other real property

d obsolete :  the male head of a household

e :  husband

f :  one that has achieved mastery or that exercises leadership or great power in some area <a drug lord>

Lord. (n.d.). Retrieved March 9, 2014, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lord

Please note the highlighted section. the mastery of the art of devotion has been bestowed upon this feeble mind and i employ all the major disciplines to keep the ego at bay as much as humanly possible. as each moment arises and passes i employ the discipline of non-duality (which you would think is not the case based on this post, but look at the previous posts), i meditate throughout the day via the use of mindfulness meditation and when meditating in a sitting position, i practice loving kindness, i love God with all my heart as any devout christian would, and finally i employ resting in silence or just being. i am not tooting any horn and i accept no ownership for any of this, it is what it is. Oh and by the way, u can call me whatever the fuck you want, because none it really matters anyway. All that matters is union with God, That which Is, the Universe, or pick whatever name you want to call Me, < lolol hehehe hahaha, now that is funny,

this next song is by Bassnectar and is titled “Here We Go” please note the “We” – Bhakti also means one who realizes union with God :\’-) :\’-) :-).

 

Happy Valentine’s Day <3

The next several posts will be YouTube links to some of my favorite songs. Most of the songs have a story associated with them regarding my personal journey, some just have a great message, some songs are just, well, jammin, head bobbin, body moving, good shit :-)

The first song is “Could you be loved”, by Bob Marley. Listen to the lyrics and realize that he is not talking about an external love, such as a love for all things that are this illusion, but the One Love.  Could you be loved? Sure can, Love does not discriminate :\’-) :\’-) :-)

a long time comming

so, today i dropped off my daughter at school and i wound up behind a s.u.v. with a handicap license plate while waiting to exit the child drop off area. the passenger door of the s.u.v. opened up and out came a nicely dressed teenage boy. he was fumbling with some book sacks and just kinda standing there waiting for something. naturally, i became a little impatient but i just went back to listening to my music. the something he was waiting for was, what i assume to be his handicapped brother. the nicely dressed teenage boy put the book sacks on his brother and guided him to the sidewalk that led to the school. the handicap brother waved to the s.u.v. as it drove off slowly, reassuring them in the vehicle, that he was ok, kinda almost a wave like, leave me alone, i can handle this.

the first thought that came up was, i know why he is handicapped, re-born from a past life of suffering. that is when i began to cry with tremendous sadness, this sadness then turns into tremendous anger. the anger turns into questioning, why the fuck does this have to be this way, why, why, why?

i then tell myself that i am just objectifying, i need to just be the observer, then that Oneness comes in, rescuing me but this is fleeting just as everything else and the cycle just continues. the ego comes back, more anger, more questioning. like everything, this all pases and then i begin to ask for forgiveness for being so ignorant.

these cycles that i call sad,mad, and then glad come and go and all stems from me seeing my past lives and objectifying what i see around me. like they say, experience is everything and real compassion stems from suffering. the way the Buddhist scriptures are written, they make it seem like seeing your past lives is a great achievement. Well that is a bunch of fucking bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is not fun knowing this. it is like a curse but i know it is all part of this —– happening —– what is to be.

like i have said before, i am extremely grateful for been given sooooooooooooo many opportunities to finally know That which Is but it sometimes saddens me greatly :_( :_( :_( :_( when i look around and know what they (the seen and unseen) are missing out on. but, then again, i know that all will have their chance in the sun or hmmmmmmm, more like have their chance being the sun.

so it goes, it is all good. :-) :’-) to think that i was supposed to spend the night reading study material for a personal training certification. lolol hehehe hahaha. maybe tomorrow.

 

my Air-Zone >:(

i have had enough of these fools talking about their Air-Zone.

Is it really your Air-Zone? please explain to me what it is that you own?

Ownership, the root cause of soooooo many problems !!!!!!!!!!

>:(

hmmmmmmm :-)

so i have been thinking about all the experiences that i have been shown the past six years or so and asking why or what is all of this for? i have realized that this questioning or thinking is just pissing in the wind. these experiences, even the illustrious title given, Lord Bhakti, is just another distraction in being.

oh, how difficult it is to just be despite all of it. wanting to be something, wanting to do something, reading the Google news, just looking at the blank stares and crying, raging, knowing there is nothing i can do but just be, but also knowing that just being is the most wonderful thing i can do. who is the i that is doing? lol. oh, how difficult. really, what is difficult? hehehe hahaha lolol :-)

i have realized, which is nothing new, that just being keeps the door open, allowing the light that which Is to shine through without obstruction. i can remember asking, how can one just be and not feel useless?

just being is similar to prayer and meditation without all the rigamaroo. just being is devotion without thinking one is separate from that which Is. Just being is doing something which turns out to be nothing, which is the exact point of being. although, just being seems simple enough, but in practice it can be difficult amidst all of the myriad of distractions that are part of daily life.

i explained how just being is devotion without outwardly praying or meditating to a seeker recently and it seemed to help, so i felt like this could help others in some fashion. sits back with hands raised accepting no responsibility for any of this! devotion, lol

back to the football games mandee, hehehe hahaha lolol :-)